This week I got an early Christmas present... a copy of a book I've wanted for a long time, Running Scared, by Ed Welch. A good friend told me about this book in 2009. And I didn't even have to buy a copy, I just got one. And I LOVE the design...Happiness!I've been reading it, but I must warn you, it's very revealing. I'm only on chapter 3 and I never realized what a scaredy-cat I was. It all makes sense, and I'm glad I see it now.
Welch does a stellar job of talking about fear as a "big" picture. He illustrates the lives of children -- how children love to pretend they're scared. How we all love a good thrill. And as we grow up, pretend fears morph into real, life-dominating fears. Sad but true.
Thank God for Jesus. Jesus the name that charms all our fears and bids our sorrows cease. Cause I couldn't read a book on fear if I didn't have confidence in Jesus, the one who takes my fears away and makes me see them as the farce that they really are!
"Behind this desire for control is the gnawing awareness that we are merely human. Although we might dream about superhuman powers, by design we are limited and we know it. No matter how much we rail against our dependency on other people, we really are dependent people with limited control...given a choice, we prefer to be God [not to need God]."
-- Ed Welch, Running Scared, p. 40.
Isn't it weird how a day can go? You wake up, do your routine, get dressed. And then the day unravels and you do it all over again. You make a million plans, a vision statement for your future, or long-term goals for something -- and yet, you still have to stop and eat lunch. We are finite people with insane capacities to do big things, and yet -- we aren't God. It's just how it is!
The Lord's shown me lately that I really don't want to need Jesus. I want to talk about Jesus, I want to encourage other people for their need for Jesus, but I don't often like the feeling of weakness, and placing myself at Jesus' feet as a beggar. But I need to be a beggar before Christ ('cause I am, whether I think so or not). I need to be a happy beggar, too-- not a reluctant one. I need to see it as, "I get to depend on Jesus. Only He gets life right. It's okay that I messed up again by envying my friend or losing it with my kid and husband. It's okay and it's not the end of the world, because Jesus came to save sinners! And Jesus actually loves me."
From anger, to helplessness, to joy in helplessness -- all because of Jesus.
--
picture taken in center city, hanging out w/sonia (pre-spurgeon) that day. and thank you sonia for the book! and being my friend :)
