For Valentine's Day this year, Bill took me ice-skating at the River Rink downtown! A gorgeous wintry windy day...I awkwardly made my way around the rink, trying not to hurt myself or anyone else! The first few times around the rink, I was honestly petrified. The last time we did this, it was 2009... and I was rusty! I kept looking around me -- seeing people (kids!) doing circles, going backwards, gliding by like they were born to skate.
After the third or fourth time, I decided I could let go of Bill and be okay. Something clicked. When I stopped looking around at everyone else and worrying about them, I actually enjoyed myself! When it was time to go, I didn't want to stop. It was exhilarating!
I wrote this blog entry to talk about how ridiculous my fears are. I am aware of this even now more with the threat of mice in our apartment (or maybe just one mouse who likes to hang around?). I had to make this a blog entry after I told it to my friend Rachel. She laughed so hard - so I thought I'd share the laughter.
So one morning, super early, I wake up and walk into the bathroom...and into a mouse! I screamed, turned the lights on, walked into our wooden chairs frantically trying to avoid it. He or she ran off, never to be seen again (at least so far!). I screamed so loud that I woke up poor Bill, and one of the guys living in the upstairs apartment. (It was 5 am). I felt so stupid. I still have a blue bruise on my leg from hitting the chair! The worst part was, I actually felt the mouse on my foot. Aaaah!
The next morning after it happened, I could not bear to walk into the bathroom, so I made Grace go in! The poor girl. She could care less. I honestly think if she saw a mouse, she'd think it was cute and try to hold it. The hilarious thing is that I still wake up early, with this scenario fresh in my mind, as though it is going to happen like this every morning. I stand on my kitchen chair and slowly open the bathroom door, while putting the light on.
(Side note: while mopping my bathroom floor with bleach that morning, Grace was awake in her room. I'd forgotten to put her on the potty when she woke up, because I was so preoccupied with the mouse's apparance! While I mopped, I heard her say in the other room, in a panic, "Mom! I'm peeing!". Cleaning up after a mouse and my child, all before 7am! Not one of my finer mommy-moments!)
I know I am ridiculous. But that is what fear does to me. Now, this isn't the same type of fear as fearing a giant to-do list, or fearing what my friends think, or fearing what my daughter could grow up to be like (particularly when she is a teenager!). But it just reminded me how stupid fear really is. Fear makes us think preposterous things.
Lately God is showing me just how silly my fears are. I pray that He gives me the strength to face them and believe what HE says about my life instead of what I FEEL.
