"...a gathering of voluptuous release of confidence, a delighted surprise at the unexpected capacities of language, close careful fondness for people that we thought only saints felt."
—Anatole Broyard, New York Times
Thankful for the brown ring around the tub, which means I get to clean it again.
Thankful for the phone call I received tonight from a caring friend who built my faith.
Thankful for Grace's tiny arm that squeezed my neck to say good night.
Thankful for a song about God's greatness, sung by toddlers, that I can apply to my life today.
Thankful that God gave me friends whose burdens I get to carry.
Thankful for the end of another day and the prospective beginning of another one.
I want my life to be a gradual release of confidence - but not in myself. In God. The God who gave His Son, Jesus. That God. If I were more confident: I would trust God's timetable for future children. I would trust His hand is at work in friends who are in hard situations. I would be more joyful. A gradual release of confidence. When I wear my gray hair (a.k.a. crown of glory) I will be wiser. Slower. Have a legacy of trials behind me. Have the faith of a mustard seed.
The unexpected capacities of language: the beauty of learning the social customs of toddlers. No formal introductions, no small talk, no nervousness, no lack of eye contact. Just instant kisses, hugs, chasing, friendship. A language shared only between children the ages of two and five. I can only watch from a distance. And laugh heartily. Yesterday at the library, we met a girl who we later learned was only 8 months older than Grace, but referred to her as a "baby", gave her thorough instructions on how to sit, where to sit, what books to read. This is exactly what Grace does to anyone smaller than she is. Watching this together, Bill and I just smile. This is our daughter.
Close careful fondness for people: Only Christ can empower me to love. There are times when sitting with Grace, that I pray God would help me enjoy her. To stop thinking about how in 10 minutes I have to switch the laundry. Make that to-do list. Call that friend. Pay that bill. To just sit, and for goodness sake, enjoy my daughter right now. I would never have thought that I would need to pray to be able to enjoy time with Grace. Why would I have to pray through enjoying a tea party or dollies? Because I am easily distracted. Sure. But more because I am a sinner, completely incapable of doing anything good on my own apart from God's strength being infused to me. And, when I pray, I notice things more. My mind gets quiet, and I notice the 5 minute time span of watching Grace figure out exactly how to sort out her dollies in the stroller. I marvel that this girl was once 9 pounds, could only cry, and is now solving spatial problems. I need God's help for every thing. Every thing.
So, by God's grace, tomorrow I will feel the sun on my face and praise God for the breath I have in my lungs – again.
